Archive | June, 2011

Porta-Veggies

25 Jun

Potties are not the only thing that can be porta ya’ know.

PURPLE Porta-Pot!!

It has been a busy start to summer. It seems like my hubby and I have been around the world in 25 days. I do not know if I have cooked a real meal all month- NO that does not mean we haven’t eaten veggies but it does mean a lot of them have been in diners, rest stops and brown paper bags.

As I have said before I flirt with vegetarianism – it is like dating the bad boy rebel – you know it is not sustainable as a lifestyle but you enjoy a walk on the wild side now an again. (Yes, carnivores veggies can get crazy – remember the PETA PSA?) I picked June to be one of those vegetarian months.  So, I have had to think of ways to infuse our lives with portable, road trip worthy veggie options. Figuring you needed some roadside veggie lust too – I thought I’d pass along my top 10 porta-veggie snacks. I can guarantee they taste and smell a lot better then that tailgate porta-potty.

10. Brother’s All Natural – Freeze Dried Fruit and Potato Crisps These are a great alternative to rest stop vending machine junk. Plus, the fruit tastes great as an addition to wet and juicy items -get your mind out of the gutter – I mean things like oatmeal or cereal with milk.

9. Baby Carrots – These little gems are my favorite on-the-go treat. They are sweet, delicious, portable and no bigger than a pocket rocket. Try dipping them in creamy things, yumm!

Often we associate PP with porta in this case Peas and Peas are the next two porta-veggies.

8. Wasabi Peas Some like it hot and these little balls are S-P-I-C-Y. Find them in your grocery store and partner with a rich pinot-aqua- yes folks, WATER.

7. SnaPeaCrisps Warning!! These snack salads are addictive, so open the bag alone in a dark room so you don’t look like a Snap Pea whore when you keep going back for more.

6. Ants on a Log – This Girl Scout favorite can count as a whole vegetarian  meal. Celery, peanut butter and plump raisins. Yumm.

5. Cream Shaft – This long, hard, green shaft filled with rich thick cream is just so I could make Ants on a Log perverse, but a good porta-veggie anyway. (Celery stuffed with cream cheese!!)

4. Grow Your Own! – Alright not totally porta-veg but good if you split your summer nights between Sea Bright and Berkley Heights, NJ (#justsayin). You can grow your veg wherever you’re at – check out the website they even have a lame youtube video in case you can’t figure out how to put dirt in a bucket.

3. Shish Kebobs – So, this is a real recipe I did for a tailgate this summer in Mansfield, Mass. It is really simple – toothpicks, mini-mozzarella balls, basil leaves and grape tomatoes  – stick one of each on a toothpick and walla – porta-veg!

2. Salad Blaster – No this is not what the big dump you take after a vegetarian meal but, a really nifty invention for eating salad on the go without the lettuce wilt cause face it – no one likes a limp veggie.

1. The “Champs” Bloody Mary – This drink is like no other, it is your full serving of veggies for a 24 hour period – many restaurants will try to imitate but none can top the Champs, State College, PA, Bloody Mary!!

So, veggie lovers and meaty pals when you are on the go don’t forget what your Mama always told you – “Eat Your Veggies!”

Got a porta-veg ideas? Leave a comment – below.

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The Magical G of Mrs. Jolly Green Giant

3 Jun

The G-spot. Some doubt it’s existence, other tout its power and magnificence. Many are on the hunt to find it, few actually do. Some say it causes secretion, others incontinence.

If the Jolly Green Giant’s wife had one it would be a Fiddlehead. The reasons why you ask?

1) Fiddleheads are hard to find. So are G-spots.
2) When you turn the heat on they secrete into the pan of water causing it to discolor. When a G-spot is stimulated correctly, squirting happens, when squirting happens, sometimes stains happen.
3) According to the experts G-spots have a spongy texture, so do the center of a fiddlehead.
4) Fiddleheads are found in places prone to flooding. G-spot manipulation causes flooding.
5) Jolly Green Giant’s are green and while we’d like to think every lady is pink on the inside, Mrs. Jolly Green’s jollies are just that GREEN, like a fiddlehead!


So, this proves…

  • Mrs. Jolly Green has a G.
  • Mr. Jolly Green is fiddling for it.
  • IF he finds it and gives it a giant poking -Mrs. Jolly Green could ruin her Giant bed sheets.

So, the Giant’s should probably stick with putting their Jolly Green’s in the CAN (see last week’s blog) or keeping it steam fresh.

Besides serving as Mrs. Jolly Green’s G-spot, the fiddlehead is grown for people who have “a zest for life” – don’t believe me read the back of the bag!

It is actually a fern plant,  easy to cook and tastes like a hybrid of green beans and asparagus. I totally just boiled them up and seasoned them for an uber-simple side-dish.

Fiddling a Green G – Side Dish

What You Need:
-1 Bag of Fiddleheads
-1 Lime
-1/4-1/2 cup Cilantro
-1 tsp. Garlic
-S&P

What To Do:
– Wash and snip the ends of the fiddleheads (they will be brown due to the high iron content)
– Place in pot of water, bring to a boil. The water will discolor, this is normal.
-Cook for 10-15 minutes until tender
-Toss with juice of one lime, cilantro, garlic and a dash of salt and pepper.
-Enjoy!

For more information on finding your lady’s G-spot, click here.