Tag Archives: asparagus

The Magical G of Mrs. Jolly Green Giant

3 Jun

The G-spot. Some doubt it’s existence, other tout its power and magnificence. Many are on the hunt to find it, few actually do. Some say it causes secretion, others incontinence.

If the Jolly Green Giant’s wife had one it would be a Fiddlehead. The reasons why you ask?

1) Fiddleheads are hard to find. So are G-spots.
2) When you turn the heat on they secrete into the pan of water causing it to discolor. When a G-spot is stimulated correctly, squirting happens, when squirting happens, sometimes stains happen.
3) According to the experts G-spots have a spongy texture, so do the center of a fiddlehead.
4) Fiddleheads are found in places prone to flooding. G-spot manipulation causes flooding.
5) Jolly Green Giant’s are green and while we’d like to think every lady is pink on the inside, Mrs. Jolly Green’s jollies are just that GREEN, like a fiddlehead!


So, this proves…

  • Mrs. Jolly Green has a G.
  • Mr. Jolly Green is fiddling for it.
  • IF he finds it and gives it a giant poking -Mrs. Jolly Green could ruin her Giant bed sheets.

So, the Giant’s should probably stick with putting their Jolly Green’s in the CAN (see last week’s blog) or keeping it steam fresh.

Besides serving as Mrs. Jolly Green’s G-spot, the fiddlehead is grown for people who have “a zest for life” – don’t believe me read the back of the bag!

It is actually a fern plant,  easy to cook and tastes like a hybrid of green beans and asparagus. I totally just boiled them up and seasoned them for an uber-simple side-dish.

Fiddling a Green G – Side Dish

What You Need:
-1 Bag of Fiddleheads
-1 Lime
-1/4-1/2 cup Cilantro
-1 tsp. Garlic
-S&P

What To Do:
– Wash and snip the ends of the fiddleheads (they will be brown due to the high iron content)
– Place in pot of water, bring to a boil. The water will discolor, this is normal.
-Cook for 10-15 minutes until tender
-Toss with juice of one lime, cilantro, garlic and a dash of salt and pepper.
-Enjoy!

For more information on finding your lady’s G-spot, click here.

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