Tag Archives: green beans

The Magical G of Mrs. Jolly Green Giant

3 Jun

The G-spot. Some doubt it’s existence, other tout its power and magnificence. Many are on the hunt to find it, few actually do. Some say it causes secretion, others incontinence.

If the Jolly Green Giant’s wife had one it would be a Fiddlehead. The reasons why you ask?

1) Fiddleheads are hard to find. So are G-spots.
2) When you turn the heat on they secrete into the pan of water causing it to discolor. When a G-spot is stimulated correctly, squirting happens, when squirting happens, sometimes stains happen.
3) According to the experts G-spots have a spongy texture, so do the center of a fiddlehead.
4) Fiddleheads are found in places prone to flooding. G-spot manipulation causes flooding.
5) Jolly Green Giant’s are green and while we’d like to think every lady is pink on the inside, Mrs. Jolly Green’s jollies are just that GREEN, like a fiddlehead!

So, this proves…

  • Mrs. Jolly Green has a G.
  • Mr. Jolly Green is fiddling for it.
  • IF he finds it and gives it a giant poking -Mrs. Jolly Green could ruin her Giant bed sheets.

So, the Giant’s should probably stick with putting their Jolly Green’s in the CAN (see last week’s blog) or keeping it steam fresh.

Besides serving as Mrs. Jolly Green’s G-spot, the fiddlehead is grown for people who have “a zest for life” – don’t believe me read the back of the bag!

It is actually a fern plant,  easy to cook and tastes like a hybrid of green beans and asparagus. I totally just boiled them up and seasoned them for an uber-simple side-dish.

Fiddling a Green G – Side Dish

What You Need:
-1 Bag of Fiddleheads
-1 Lime
-1/4-1/2 cup Cilantro
-1 tsp. Garlic

What To Do:
– Wash and snip the ends of the fiddleheads (they will be brown due to the high iron content)
– Place in pot of water, bring to a boil. The water will discolor, this is normal.
-Cook for 10-15 minutes until tender
-Toss with juice of one lime, cilantro, garlic and a dash of salt and pepper.

For more information on finding your lady’s G-spot, click here.


The Holy Trinity – Three Veggie Recipes for EASTER!

2 May

I am pumping my brakes a little on my super skeezy blog posts as I just found out at Easter dinner that my mother-in-law is one of my biggest fans. I don’t have it in me to write about hairy girly bits, penises of all shapes & sizes or sexual encounters from around the globe – sorry Mom you will have to wait until next post to pray for my soul. 

Another thing to mention is my dear friend Andrew Burke McIntyre has told me to put more links in my blog. So, Andrew, click away! And if any of you have complaints you can email Andrew directly at imreallyimportantnow@gmail.com really go ahead email him!!
Anyway, Easter was lovely, thanks for asking. We visited with friends and family all weekend which gave us a lot to talk and laugh about as well as many opportunities to eat veggies!! For Easter dinner, I was assigned the VEG. So, I whipped up three very veggies dishes.

1) Parsnips & Carrots, from my January 18, 2011 post. Since parsnips and an aphrodisiac I must interject with a little dirty easter joke.
What did the easter egg say to the boiling water?
Its gonna take me a while to get hard I just got laid by some chick.
Damn, it is impossible to keep it clean!
Note: I used whole wheat bow-ties (cause they were cheaper & healthier) and haricot verts (cause I am that upscale!!), plus I added multi-colored peppers to veggie-it-up a bit!
And finally, this delicious take on Tomatoes Caprice using strawberries instead!

3)Strawberries and Fresh Mozzarella with Mint Pesto Drizzle, a summer staple, courtesy of Family Circle!!
Well, that was our linkable lovely Easter. Try these recipes and let me know what you think they are all really YUMMY! 
For anyone who misses the dirty veggie posts tune in next week, or check this out!